This post is the (very long overdue) followup to How To Love Your Non-Geek, a guide which was great fun to write.
This one was a little tricker, because it meant that I needed to know some things about myself (in all my glorious geekiness) in order to write a guide which is at least entertaining, and hopefully chock full of usefulness.
First Rule of Geekyness: have limited or unusual social skills.
Something you probably noticed right away about your fantastically awesome Geek is that he or she has, shall we say, unusual social skills.
Example: You and your Geek Hottie are out on the town. You spot some friends of yours and run right over to say hello, dragging your Geek with you. To your surprise and maybe embarassment, your Geek may do one of the following:
1) Ignore the existence of your friends
2) Take over the conversation and mastermind it into a discussion of Firefox vs Chrome vs Internet Explorer 8
3) Say something that is one part mumbling, two parts offensive
4) Abruptly tell you they’re going home now because they forgot to brush the fish’s hair (and you know they have no pets)
Why does this happen, and who taught this otherwise awesome person to behave this way?!
Your Geek is a gentle, sensitive soul, deep down inside. The fact that you know this and you’re shocked and upset by radically different behavior means that your Geek trusts you and can be honest with you in a way that’s probably difficult, if not impossible, with other Non-Geeks.
Even though your Geek is comfortable to the point of obnoxiously loud laughter with his or her closest friends, you can’t expect your Geek to be able to open up like that with newly met friends, no matter how awesome they are.
The best thing to do is talk to your Geek about their social boundaries, and be prepared for their comfort zones to be a lot different from yours. But just remember, that’s part of their unique, lovely charm.
Second Rule of Geekyness: have passionate feelings toward a collection of electronic devices.
You might own an iPhone, a computer, and maybe a sweet big screen television, but you probably don’t come anywhere close to the level of electronics ownership that your Geek Lover possesses.
Not only does your Geek probably have at least two or three (or six or twelve) of the latest iMovieXPadDroidScreen(s), but he or she also owns several older models, all in various states of disrepair.
NOTE: Disrepair does not mean that the devices in question do not work, it only means that they are kept alive to swap parts with each other like a horde of nervous electrical Frankensteins.
What do they need all that crap for anyway, and why are you not allowed to touch most of it?!
For a Geek who loves technology, owning that technology is sort of like being allowed to live nextdoor to heaven (or, depending on what technology it is, INSIDE heaven). The whirring, humming, soft clicking noises, and necessity of owning microfiber towelettes and a six-pack of canned air at all times – these things make your Geek’s heart beat that much faster.
As long as you can be alright with their love of their iStuff, and you can have a conversation with them about the different ways you might see that stuff, you’ll probably be just fine.
Just, you know. Don’t touch it if it’s shiny and makes a humming noise, just to be on the safe side.
Third Rule of Geekyness: have difficulty remembering personal hygiene during significantly exciting events.
Your sexy Geek will occasionally sport bad breath, unwashed hair, and be wearing the same clothes as yesterday – but this is not necessarily due to a total failure of hygiene.
More than likely, your Geek was engaged in one of the following scenarios, all of which were so intensely awesome that showering totally slipped his or her mind:
1) A campaign in any Civilization game ever made
2) Coding a new website
3) Playing the brand new video game that just came out yesterday morning and for which they may have stood in line for upwards of five hours
That’s just plain disgusting!!
When you discover your disheveled, grimy Geek, the best thing to do is NOT to freak out: offer to get them a snack, a drink of water, and gently encourage them to shower – but only after they’ve eaten something.
(There’s nothing worse than trying to make sense of the world when your blood sugar’s on the floor and you can’t remember the last thing you ate that wasn’t a bag of stale chips.)
Be prepared for them to need to tell you about what they’ve been doing the whole time they forgot to put on clean clothes or eat actual food, and be prepared to listen for a while. Your Geek will love you forever and ever if you’re able to listen to them when they’re monologuing about stuff that might not make much sense to you.
Bonus Tips! Ways to connect with your Geek.
Tip number one: go out and do your Geek’s favorite thing for your next date, instead of what you usually do. Chances are, since they love making you happy, they haven’t really thought about bringing you further into their world.
Tip number two: ask your Geek to teach you how to do one of the things they love to do. Maybe it’s playing a video game, maybe it’s writing some CSS, maybe it’s an introduction to Linux. Learning new things is awesome, and they might light up like a Christmas tree when they realize you’re not joking, you really DO want them to teach you something.
Tip number three: respect their comfort zone, even when it comes down to staying in rather than going out. Your Geek is worth your love and your ability to compromise when it’s necessary.
And now, your turn.
What advice do you have for Geek + Non-Geek relationships?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Remember that when your Geek needs alone time, they are not trying to be mean or to shun you. It just means their brain needs to do something without any distractions for a while, and then they will be ready to lavish affection on you again!
Tell it, sister! My hair has been known to get greasy on a deadline (she types sheepishly).
Megan´s last blog ..The Key to Your Child’s Emotional Needs is in “The Stupid Shirt”
Whoa. That was scary to read because you just described the relationship between my husband and I! LOL. Not quite though. I mean I consider myself at least 1/2 geek. I am the one who likes to make websites and he is the gaming kind. It’s just crazy how accurate the things you were saying were! Whew.